Martin (John Amplas), a young man who looks around 20-years-old, boards a train in Indianapolis, Indiana for New York. At night, he breaks into a sleeping car and sedates a woman with a syringe full of narcotics. She struggles, but he tells her not to struggle or be upset because she wont feel pain. After a few minutes, the woman falls asleep, and Martin has sex with the unconscious woman. Afterwards, he slices her wrists with a razor blade so he can drink her blood. The woman bleeds to death in her sleep.
In the morning, the train stops in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where Martin disembarks. He is met by Tata Cuda (Lincoln Maazel) an elderly and hostile old man who claims to be his cousin from the Old World. Together, they travel by another train to the town of Braddock, a dying industrial suburb. They walk to Cuda's large house where he shows Martin his living quarters. Cuda then accuses Martin of being an 84-year-old vampire from his old country. He has taken in Martin because he is family, but tells him, "First I will save your soul. Then I shall destroy you." Martin denies being a vampire and implies that Cuda is merely his uncle rather than his cousin. Cuda then puts up strings of garlic on the doors to his and his granddaughter's room, and then holds up a small cross when Martin approaches him. Martin takes away the cross, and even takes a bite of the garlic mocking these attempts by saying bitterly, "There's no real magic... ever". Cuda tells Martin that he can come and go as he pleases. But he also warns Martin that he will kill him if he kills anyone in Braddock. He also tells Martin to stay away from his granddaughter Christine (Christine Forrest), whom arrives home from her job that evening.
Cuda introduces Christine to Martin, but also warns her to stay away from him. But Christine instead strikes up a friendship with Martin who confides in her about his vampire heritage. When Cuda later confirms Martin's claims to be a vampire, Christine, not surprisingly, refuses to believe either one. She thinks that Cuda and the other members of her family have driven Martin to insanity by making him think that he is a vampire. It is never revealed if Martin really is a vampire, or just a shy and lonely youth with troubled issues. Christine is the only person that Martin gets the courage to talk to. When Christine's boyfriend Arthur (Tom Savini) arrives at the house for dinner, Martin stops talking and backs away despite Arthur's attempt at a conversation. Christine later confides in Martin that she hopes to leave Braddock someday with Arthur, even though Martin points out that Arthur treats her badly and is both verbally and physically abusive towards her.
When Christine sees that Martin won't talk to anyone else, she buys him a phone which he installs in his room. Martin begins to repeatingly call a radio talk show where he describes what it's like to be a vampire. He becomes known on the radio as "the Count" to all the listeners. But the patronizing host (Michael Gornick) thinks he's just crazy.
Martin gets a job at Cuda's grocery store of stocking shelves, hauling boxes around, and even gets to be a delivery boy for some of the customers. One of his customers is a certain Abby Santini (Elyane Nadeau), who becomes taken in with Martin. She is a very friendly young woman who is depressed when she tells Martin that her husband is unfaithful. But Martin still does not have the nerve to talk with her, so she is happy to have someone to confide in with her life problems. Martin phones the radio show host to describe his infatuation with the housewife and senses that she wants to have sex with him. When the radio show host asks Martin if it is a sexual problem that he has involving women criticizing him during sex, Martin replies that he has never had sex with a woman who was awake.
One day, Martin travels by train to outside Braddock to look for victims. At a supermarket, he follows a young woman (Sarah Venable) home to her posh suburban house. He sees the woman's husband (Richard Rubenstein) leave for a long business trip, and Martin decides this would be the right time for more feeding. Martin returns to the house after dark and breaks in through the garage door. But it is Martin who gets the surprise when he bursts into her bedroom to find her in bed with her adulterous lover Lewis (Al Levitsky). After a vicious struggle, Martin jabs both of them with hyprodermic needles with narcotics, and waits for the drugs to take affect. He drags the unconscious body of Lewis from the house to a clump of trees across the street where he kills him by shoving a broken tree branch into his neck and drinks his blood. Martin returns to the house where he has sex with the unconscious woman. But out of compassion and pity, he decides to let her live.
Martin begins to have romantic monochrome visions of his vampire past (real or imagined), where he drained blood from a young woman and was chased through the streets of a nameless European town by a torch-lit mob.
During one Sunday at church, Cuda brings home Father Howard (George A. Romero) who asks him about the possibility of exorcism and demon possession. Father Howard calls upon the elderly Father Zulemans (Clifford Forrest, Jr.) over at Cuda's request. Together, Cuda and Zulemans confront Martin his bedroom and attempt to perform an exorcism on him. At this point, Martin remembers (another real or imaginary flashback), in the Old Country of people trying to perform an exorcism on him, and he flees them. Martin then flees from Cuda and Zuelmas as well. A little later that night, Martin terrorizes Cuda in a children's playground when he puts on a Dracula cape and puts false fangs into his mouth to pretend that he really is a vampire.
One day, Martin finally musters the courage to talk with Mrs. Santini during a routine delivery to her house where he tells her that he's aware of her attempts to seduce him and wants now to have sex with her. After having sex for the first time, Mrs. Santini becomes more depressed for she tells Martin that her husband just left her because she discovered that she cannot bear children, and that her desires towards him are based on sex and nothing else. But Martin wants to stay with her and help her move on with her life. Martin tells the radio show host about his affair with the housewife and that he no longer has the urge to attack other women.
Meanwhile, Arthur meets with Cuda and tells him that he wants Christine to leave town with him so they can get married and start a family. But Christine becomes angry at Cuda when he tells Arthur that insanity runs in their family and he shouldn't consider having children with her. Shortly afterwards, Christine packs up and leaves Braddock for New York with Arthur despite Martin telling her that Arthur is abusive towards her. But her mind is made up. Before leaving, Christine tells Martin that she really has no ill feelings towards him and just wants to make a fresh start with her life. She says goodbye to him and promises to write. But Martin knows that with an abusive and possessive man in Christine's life, she probably won't.
Depressed over losing his one true friend, Martin phones the radio show host and tells him that he's getting "shaky" and wants to go out looking for more victims. That night, Martin travels to a rough crime-ridden area of Pittsburgh and attacks two derelicts in a alley, injecting them with narcotics. He kills one of them by silting the bum's wrist and drinking his blood. Martin is about to kill the second one when a police car shows up and gives chase. Martin narrowly escapes during a long chase on foot which leads from the garbage strew streets and through a local store. Martin runs into an old warehouse where a drug deal is going down. A shootout between the two cops and the three thugs begins where all of them are killed, leaving Martin as the sole survivor who casually walks away from the carnage.
One day, Martin finds Mrs. Santini dead in her bathtub, after she had slit her writs with a razor blade. Martin anonymously calls the police to report the body and leaves. He phones the radio show host one final time to say that he really doesn't need friends or people to talk to for he is his own person. But when Cuda learns about Mrs. Santini's suicide, is mistakenly thinks Martin killed her and made it look like a suicide as he's done before. Cuda walks into Martin's room while he is asleep and kills him by hammering a wooden stake through Martin's heart.
Cuda buries Martin's body in his back garden, while over the closing credits various voices from people are heard talking to the radio show host asking the whereabouts of "the Count".
一星给上海话，听着真是十分亲切，一星给三位女演员，一星给最后那一幕。这部电影按上海话说就是蛮灵的，但请男演员做好身材管理，我不想看三个女人围着猪头三转。
3.5. Neither a masterpiece of realism nor a disastrous, complete sham, this film is roughly as good (or as bad) as a mid-tier Rob Reiner/Norah Efron rom-com. The real question is whether we could still afford to enjoy such a film innocently in this day and age.
不过整体梗埋太多（包括导演自个儿的小趣味），又缺乏条理，使得整个片子变成了埋梗大作战。
在現在如此艱難的創作環境下，還能出現如此高質量的華語電影，真是令人激動又驚喜！很高興終於有一部電影是聚焦中年人的感情時，是沒有偏見、歧視、刻板印象，跳出苦情顏色的。導演的視角平等且巧妙，在性別議題上用刻板印象打破刻板印象這個設計實在精妙。尤其在美術館那場三人的戲，鏡頭的設計和調度也是處處都顯露出一種可愛的小聰明，對觀眾的討好是點到為止又恰到好處得讓人很難不喜歡。雖然整個故事充斥著上海專屬的小布爾喬亞趣味氣質，但和這些可愛的小聰明一樣，就算口味再刁鑽的人，也很難不喜歡一份精心又清新的布丁。再次感嘆，今年能有這麼一部在故事性、社會性、娛樂性、作者性，都兼顧，且出挑的華語作品，真的太難得了！！！
天呐！我看到了什么？影片用轻松诙谐的笔触解构两性关系，由此引申出人过中年的悲欢离合。市井生活的烟火气尽在其中，都市男女的众生相尽收眼底。名为爱情神话，实为人生图鉴。淡化传统三幕，专注日常片段，结构看似松散，实则独具匠心。以白描手法塑造人物形象，价值输出同样不偏不倚。台词妙语连珠，弦外之音更是值得玩味，搭配吴侬软语和精湛的表演，那感觉妙不可言。与此同时，场面调度游刃有余，摄影机从未缺席，轻盈地穿梭在街巷与人物之间，精准地交代着关系，调动着情绪。视听语言和文本内容浑然天成，场景、音乐、迷影等元素融合成独特的气质与魅力。这不就是中国版伍迪·艾伦吗？这样的作品出现在内地院线简直像做梦一样！如果说《雄狮少年》是端倪可察的黑马，本片则完全是意料之外的惊喜。2021年度华语电影十佳必有一席之地！灵啊~
如同纽约之于伍迪艾伦，上海终于也有了属于它的电影，太棒了，只有在上海住过的人才能理解这部电影有多浪漫。
一个精神上海人拍了一群说着上海话的精神欧洲人的电影
太喜欢了，私心一百分。不尴尬不做作，不亵不使人欢笑，可是又足够严肃认真。
导演只看到了上海的表面，小资 文艺 浪漫。但上海人的底色、精神、时代气息没有抓到，柴米油盐生活化的场景只是略微体现了一丢丢。中年人的爱情除了爱更多的是处理生活。没有生活也只能是漂在空中的“神话”了。评分那么高也许是导演拍出了大家想象中的上海，但法租界不代表上海。
两度为老乌和他的故事落泪😭😭
和索菲亚罗兰一夜情的老乌有可能是真的，但在上海不收亚历山大房租的房东老白，是绝对只活在电影里。
邵导还是稳坐今年国产都市爱情第一的宝座了。
确实也几乎想打五星了（也许之后会改分），先留一手对老乌的告别是否需要留那么长存疑吧。逼仄弄堂中的优雅，日子虽然挺衣食无忧，但每个人也都一样有合理合情的烦忧，这或许就延续上旧上海的《太太万岁》，去讲述新上海的《甜蜜生活》吧。
对爱情内核的探讨也只是小资的隔靴搔痒，到底没谈出什么东西来，文青喜欢这个也能理解。
本质上是一青春爱情片换成了一群中老年人来演，多了市井油腻，少了灵动激情，浮皮潦草的深刻，轻描淡写的共鸣，引来干扁文艺青年热捧也正常。我老了绝对不会给孩子讲我看过的文艺片。
好得不得了。倪虹洁真是妙妙妙。然后看了评论，为什么有些人看一个电影，不是看这个电影里有什么，而是在意里面“没有”什么？不会想和这样的人做朋友。我十分enjoy。
上海老克勒，独立女性感情选择，去性别化的平等观念，中年人的梦想，女性友谊……这部电影里都有，堪称男士腔调指南。什么都讲了，可什么都没讲，故事的骨架是空洞的。电影里有些镜头让我想到《饮食男女》，如果前者是精美的浮世绘，本片就是摇晃的直播镜头。看得比较失望。
电影细腻又内敛，女性群像非常精彩，马伊琍倪虹洁吴越都贡献了非常精彩的表演。徐峥饰演的老白更像一个线索把所有人聚在一起。看完很享受，很舒服，心情愉悦。电影不够满分，但是满分推荐。
剧本真的不错 个人觉得配乐很烦 多一点上海城市的声音不好吗 其实没必要去扯什么伍迪艾伦 完全两码事
上海人活得可真是精緻啊，把中國當下的後/現代主義演繹得活靈活現，精氣神聚焦於一群仍未泯滅夢想的中年人身上，照進現實的也不只是一地雞毛，也只能在弄堂里巷的上海市井中，才能毫不氣餒和矯情地去探討藝術與生活、性別與認同、本土與外來、代溝與人際這些重要但很難具體呈現的議題。想去上海，喝個咖啡吃個滬菜！【Wanda-BB】
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