Martin (John Amplas), a young man who looks around 20-years-old, boards a train in Indianapolis, Indiana for New York. At night, he breaks into a sleeping car and sedates a woman with a syringe full of narcotics. She struggles, but he tells her not to struggle or be upset because she wont feel pain. After a few minutes, the woman falls asleep, and Martin has sex with the unconscious woman. Afterwards, he slices her wrists with a razor blade so he can drink her blood. The woman bleeds to death in her sleep.
In the morning, the train stops in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where Martin disembarks. He is met by Tata Cuda (Lincoln Maazel) an elderly and hostile old man who claims to be his cousin from the Old World. Together, they travel by another train to the town of Braddock, a dying industrial suburb. They walk to Cuda's large house where he shows Martin his living quarters. Cuda then accuses Martin of being an 84-year-old vampire from his old country. He has taken in Martin because he is family, but tells him, "First I will save your soul. Then I shall destroy you." Martin denies being a vampire and implies that Cuda is merely his uncle rather than his cousin. Cuda then puts up strings of garlic on the doors to his and his granddaughter's room, and then holds up a small cross when Martin approaches him. Martin takes away the cross, and even takes a bite of the garlic mocking these attempts by saying bitterly, "There's no real magic... ever". Cuda tells Martin that he can come and go as he pleases. But he also warns Martin that he will kill him if he kills anyone in Braddock. He also tells Martin to stay away from his granddaughter Christine (Christine Forrest), whom arrives home from her job that evening.
Cuda introduces Christine to Martin, but also warns her to stay away from him. But Christine instead strikes up a friendship with Martin who confides in her about his vampire heritage. When Cuda later confirms Martin's claims to be a vampire, Christine, not surprisingly, refuses to believe either one. She thinks that Cuda and the other members of her family have driven Martin to insanity by making him think that he is a vampire. It is never revealed if Martin really is a vampire, or just a shy and lonely youth with troubled issues. Christine is the only person that Martin gets the courage to talk to. When Christine's boyfriend Arthur (Tom Savini) arrives at the house for dinner, Martin stops talking and backs away despite Arthur's attempt at a conversation. Christine later confides in Martin that she hopes to leave Braddock someday with Arthur, even though Martin points out that Arthur treats her badly and is both verbally and physically abusive towards her.
When Christine sees that Martin won't talk to anyone else, she buys him a phone which he installs in his room. Martin begins to repeatingly call a radio talk show where he describes what it's like to be a vampire. He becomes known on the radio as "the Count" to all the listeners. But the patronizing host (Michael Gornick) thinks he's just crazy.
Martin gets a job at Cuda's grocery store of stocking shelves, hauling boxes around, and even gets to be a delivery boy for some of the customers. One of his customers is a certain Abby Santini (Elyane Nadeau), who becomes taken in with Martin. She is a very friendly young woman who is depressed when she tells Martin that her husband is unfaithful. But Martin still does not have the nerve to talk with her, so she is happy to have someone to confide in with her life problems. Martin phones the radio show host to describe his infatuation with the housewife and senses that she wants to have sex with him. When the radio show host asks Martin if it is a sexual problem that he has involving women criticizing him during sex, Martin replies that he has never had sex with a woman who was awake.
One day, Martin travels by train to outside Braddock to look for victims. At a supermarket, he follows a young woman (Sarah Venable) home to her posh suburban house. He sees the woman's husband (Richard Rubenstein) leave for a long business trip, and Martin decides this would be the right time for more feeding. Martin returns to the house after dark and breaks in through the garage door. But it is Martin who gets the surprise when he bursts into her bedroom to find her in bed with her adulterous lover Lewis (Al Levitsky). After a vicious struggle, Martin jabs both of them with hyprodermic needles with narcotics, and waits for the drugs to take affect. He drags the unconscious body of Lewis from the house to a clump of trees across the street where he kills him by shoving a broken tree branch into his neck and drinks his blood. Martin returns to the house where he has sex with the unconscious woman. But out of compassion and pity, he decides to let her live.
Martin begins to have romantic monochrome visions of his vampire past (real or imagined), where he drained blood from a young woman and was chased through the streets of a nameless European town by a torch-lit mob.
During one Sunday at church, Cuda brings home Father Howard (George A. Romero) who asks him about the possibility of exorcism and demon possession. Father Howard calls upon the elderly Father Zulemans (Clifford Forrest, Jr.) over at Cuda's request. Together, Cuda and Zulemans confront Martin his bedroom and attempt to perform an exorcism on him. At this point, Martin remembers (another real or imaginary flashback), in the Old Country of people trying to perform an exorcism on him, and he flees them. Martin then flees from Cuda and Zuelmas as well. A little later that night, Martin terrorizes Cuda in a children's playground when he puts on a Dracula cape and puts false fangs into his mouth to pretend that he really is a vampire.
One day, Martin finally musters the courage to talk with Mrs. Santini during a routine delivery to her house where he tells her that he's aware of her attempts to seduce him and wants now to have sex with her. After having sex for the first time, Mrs. Santini becomes more depressed for she tells Martin that her husband just left her because she discovered that she cannot bear children, and that her desires towards him are based on sex and nothing else. But Martin wants to stay with her and help her move on with her life. Martin tells the radio show host about his affair with the housewife and that he no longer has the urge to attack other women.
Meanwhile, Arthur meets with Cuda and tells him that he wants Christine to leave town with him so they can get married and start a family. But Christine becomes angry at Cuda when he tells Arthur that insanity runs in their family and he shouldn't consider having children with her. Shortly afterwards, Christine packs up and leaves Braddock for New York with Arthur despite Martin telling her that Arthur is abusive towards her. But her mind is made up. Before leaving, Christine tells Martin that she really has no ill feelings towards him and just wants to make a fresh start with her life. She says goodbye to him and promises to write. But Martin knows that with an abusive and possessive man in Christine's life, she probably won't.
Depressed over losing his one true friend, Martin phones the radio show host and tells him that he's getting "shaky" and wants to go out looking for more victims. That night, Martin travels to a rough crime-ridden area of Pittsburgh and attacks two derelicts in a alley, injecting them with narcotics. He kills one of them by silting the bum's wrist and drinking his blood. Martin is about to kill the second one when a police car shows up and gives chase. Martin narrowly escapes during a long chase on foot which leads from the garbage strew streets and through a local store. Martin runs into an old warehouse where a drug deal is going down. A shootout between the two cops and the three thugs begins where all of them are killed, leaving Martin as the sole survivor who casually walks away from the carnage.
One day, Martin finds Mrs. Santini dead in her bathtub, after she had slit her writs with a razor blade. Martin anonymously calls the police to report the body and leaves. He phones the radio show host one final time to say that he really doesn't need friends or people to talk to for he is his own person. But when Cuda learns about Mrs. Santini's suicide, is mistakenly thinks Martin killed her and made it look like a suicide as he's done before. Cuda walks into Martin's room while he is asleep and kills him by hammering a wooden stake through Martin's heart.
Cuda buries Martin's body in his back garden, while over the closing credits various voices from people are heard talking to the radio show host asking the whereabouts of "the Count".
没有预料到的剧情，大年初一大家一起在电影院哭一场(⸝⸝⸝ᵒ̴̶̥́ ⌑ ᵒ̴̶̣̥̀⸝⸝⸝)所以她妈到底有没有想过走另一条路呢贾玲不知道也没人会知道了。
我太爱照相那段了，历史眼里没有欢笑没有人情，看到的只有更迭的政局和转交的权利
所有不是沈腾主演却写他主演，预告片就减他出场的部分骗我去看的片子全部最低分
即使已经看过了几部邱炯炯作品作为铺垫，看《椒麻堂会》还是大为震撼，视觉、音乐、美学，每个方面都这么丰富而独具匠心。看过一礼拜了，还不断回想起更多的细节。比如重温预告片时突然想到，这段诡异的唢呐版《太阳出来喜洋洋》是不是正源自《大酒楼》里老人回忆把哀乐吹成了《太阳出来喜洋洋》的故事。能强烈感到导演丰富而独特的家庭背景，如何一步步将他引向这部集大成者。易思成浑厚磁性的声音也值得一提，看时没想到他并不是川剧演员（其实电影几乎没有直接展现川剧表演，满篇都是川剧而不见川剧），甚至都不是专业演员。邱导选人的眼光和他的美术风格一样，独特又毒辣。
这是今年春节档，我最最想看的一部电影。《你好李焕英》的小品，是千禧年之后我心目中最佳小品前三，即便珠玉在前，当得知要影视化的时候，依然期待爆棚。作为贾玲的导演处女座，这部作品是值得肯定的，笑点泪点恰到好处，没有硬搞笑也没有刻意煽情。子欲养而亲不待，她在讲一个珍惜亲情的故事，也在讲当代女性意识的觉醒，不鼓吹生育，不鼓吹婚姻，而是让我们看到，任何一个女性在成为妈妈之前，第一个身份首先应该是她自己。祝天下所有“李焕英”永远快乐。
故事说不上新颖，可是母亲这个点总是能打动人，希望每个做母亲的女生记得对自己好点，不要牺牲不要伟大，让自己开心快乐很重要。
可是《李焕英》能和《阿凡达》、漫威宇宙这些相提并论嘛！
老实说没有带期待去看，但没想到看完还蛮惊喜的吧，不谈那些技巧性的问题，至少贾玲的这个故事有真实触动到我，最后也看哭了，可能是想起我自己的妈妈了吧。不过，看的过程中也在时刻告诉自己，要警惕这种所谓的歌颂母爱奉献精神牺牲自己幸福来成就他人的价值观，尤其是影片一开始父亲的形象始终是隐去的。当然了，我愿意相信这只是贾玲写给她逝去母亲的一封告白信，并没有过多其他的诉求，但最终那句“献给所有母亲”让我觉得片子的立意其实可以更高一点。女性可以选择成为母亲，也可以选择只做自己。片中的母女俩都在替对方考虑，我希望现实生活中的女生们都能自由勇敢的选择，不把“为了别人”当作自己的价值。你的人生不需要“成为谁”才算有意义。三星半。
把二十多分钟的小品拉长到两个小时，没有好导演和好剧本还是省省吧。
你不太确定那是不是感动，你为这样的自己感到厌恶
女性主义的电影，描绘的每一个女性角色都很可爱，我喜欢王琴阿姨，看到电影最后她是靠自己的努力工作抓住机遇才得到后面富裕的生活，就很庆幸贾玲没有让这个角色流于俗套。整部电影最巧妙的地方就是在于最后一部分——双穿越。确实催人泪下。但是父母真的对孩子没有要求吗？我想并非天下父母都是如此。但是真挚的感情可以打动人。
昨晚是除夕，我和妈妈大吵了一架。她气得直骂我没良心、白眼狼，我爸也心寒地把我妈牵到楼下，说不指望以后让我给他们养老。
其实影片前面部分很一般，最多3星，但确实最后情真意切，加一星
这不是一部优秀的”电影“，但却是一部足够真诚的”电影“。虽然本质上只是小品《你好，李焕英》的扩写，但是第二次重构是情感的升华，尤其是电影最后的反转所带来的情感更加击中人心。
我觉得她自己也挺心虚的吧！
这是一部非常开心麻花式的片子，如果你喜欢《夏洛特烦恼》那么可以去看看，如果是抱着宁浩电影的期待那就赶紧睡个回笼觉，或者喝杯咖啡把瞌睡醒醒。
嘴一句，是挺感人，但是我都说了。
绝对五星，名副其实的华语年度最佳！荒诞的艺术，光怪陆离的社会变迁，《霸王别姬》的隔空对唱，模糊舞台和荧幕的扑面而来的丁达尔效应，极具个人色彩和地方特色的空灵的戏梦版的表达
你不太确定那是不是感动，你为这样的自己感到厌恶
从前有个女儿，为了让妈妈长脸，宁可让别人家的孩子代替自己的位置，结果呢，妈妈从一开始就知道她的小心思了，默默地陪她玩这个游戏。因为，妈妈只想要女儿健康快乐。
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